Rochester Man Develops Idea For Super Pill
Still trying to get drug company to do research
GREECE, NY -- Mark Jaekle, a mid-level executive for pharmaceutical giant, Ellron Labs, has come
up with a great idea for a new drug - a once-a-week pill that gives a person x-ray vision, a photographic memory, and
other super-human abilities.
"I've been working with this company for a long time now," stated Jaekle in an interview with
the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle Friday. "I've seen all the scientists walking around in their white lab
coats and I know we have the equipment and technology to make this idea a reality. All I need to do is convince
the right people that it would be a big seller."
Jaekle, an Ellron entertainment executive whose job is to wine and dine politicians and other
important people, came up with the idea while partying with Canadian health officials at a dance club in Toronto.
"They were all sitting around drinking and talking about a SARS vaccine, a new cardiac drug,
and other potential pharmaceuticals that would benefit mankind. That's when the light bulb came on. 'What
about the brain, you guys?' I got their attention right away."
Jaekle predicts that a drug which targets specific centers in the cerebral cortex can result
in superman-like abilities. "And I don't know anyone who doesn't want those talents," he emphatically pointed out in
the newspaper interview.
Jaekle claims that the billions of dollars generated by such a popular pill could then finance
the development and production of what he personally calls "crises drugs", such as the SARS and AIDS vaccines and medications
that actually save lives.
"Mr. Jaekle has always proven to be a great employee with good ideas," noted his supervisor,
Eleanor Deaton. "He's moved right up the ranks since he started here. But we'll have to see what R&D thinks
about this one."
