Boomer Signs Deal to be New 'Before Subway Subs Jared' while Jared Continues to be
'After Subway Subs Jared' in Subway Subs Commercials
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR
BUFFALO -- Jared, international spokesman for Subway Subs, announced this morning that Robert "Boomer" Connell
will become the new "Before Subway Subs Jared" for the fast-food chain. A packed crowd of one hundred fans were on hand
at the Subway Delaware Avenue location to witness the event, accompanied by a number of local media outlets.
"I'm just proud to be here," declared Jared, as the crowd anxiously awaited the free food given out.
"It's extra special to have Boomer take over the old role. I don't even look at pictures of my former self. In
fact, I hated myself back then. I still hate parts of my self, but I'm working on that with my therapist."
Connell's new deal includes a whole year of free subs, a salary of an undisclosed amount, and tons of other
perks that come with being a celebrity. He heard about the recent search for a new Before Jared at the Moke Jaekle Golf Classic
postgame party, when he was approached by the local Subway owner, Iliene Dover.
"I've been thinking about doing this for several months," revealed the TV producer and Western New York resident.
"At first, I thought it was a crazy idea, but over time, it just made sense. I've been working on a screenplay about
the U.S. Coast Guard Submarine Fleet, an action-adventure film...and this exposure could put me on the Hollywood radar screen.
Sorry Burger King."
Unfortunately a minor food fight broke out when the crowd scrambled for the deli meats offered. Security
was non-existent, and the Buffalo police had to be called in to bring order, but not before two men with large buns smashed
through a side window. Jared and Boomer were quickly ushered into a limo and later promised to pay for the damage.
